when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
