Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
