i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
