Someone shit on the floor
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
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