ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
