Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize