Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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