Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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