i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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