is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
