Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I think people are normalizing furries
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
