Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
