the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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