small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
