I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
