I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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