i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
