i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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