the day after is always just damage control
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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