You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
