When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
