I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
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