My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
