We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
