His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
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