Whod you bang
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
