I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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