my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize
