shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Randomize
