Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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