When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
