Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
These tits shall not be calmed
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
