I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
