Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I could fuck to npr.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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