she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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