Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
