Already got asked if we're dating
Nicole vs. Life
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Terrible idea I love it
Randomize
