I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Is Oprah even human
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
