what day is it and did you see me today?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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