I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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