They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Shitshow foam night was such a success
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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