I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
