Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
