Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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