I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
