Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
