peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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