but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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