That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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