Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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