maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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