I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
