you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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