Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
