I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
