I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
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