There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
