What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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