His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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