I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
