i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
