i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
