I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
