If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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