Apparently you make a good broom.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
