i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
