he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
