Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
