When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
