he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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