They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
