I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
